Mindset: Success Begins Here

Here is one last post of 2020.  It's an important one as you think about your goals for 2021.

One of my revelations over recent years is how important it is to understand the difference between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset.  This year, it occurred to me that when it comes to friendships and relationships, I just don't connect to the fixed mindset.  Whether we're talking religion, politics, health, or music... If you don't have a growth mindset, then we're practically on different planets.  And if you want to succeed even a little on a musical instrument, you HAVE to have a growth mindset.

Okay, let me back up.  What is a growth mindset compared to a fixed mindset?

Someone with a growth mindset is always looking for self-improvement.  They are open to new and better ideas.  They are open to criticism and, especially, self-criticism.  This is not to say that accomplishments aren't fully celebrated along the way, but those are pit stops and not an ultimate destination.  When it comes to non-musical things such as personality, world views, and just about anything else...there is an eagerness to explore new ideas,  try new things, and understand that change is possible for anything or anyone.

Someone with a fixed mindset believes that they are the way they are, and it is what it is.  Opinions are absolutely right or absolutely wrong.  They don't try different foods.  They don't try a new routine.  Change is an ugly word.  When it comes to music, it either comes easy or it's not worth it.

How the two types react to practice

Someone with a fixed mindset will either not practice, or not practice with any depth or struggle, or gravitate towards only playing favorites or what comes easily.  The first sign of struggle with a piece will send the player into retreat.  Either the practice session is over, or out comes the easy music.  "It's hard!" is said as if it's a terminal diagnosis.

Someone with a growth mindset WANTS the challenge.  If it's comfortable, it's not giving you growth. The first sign of struggle with a piece will cause the player to pause and rethink what's possible in a sitting, to calmly look at why something is hard and what can be done about it.  "It's hard!" is said as if it's dessert.  This is good!  This is how I get better!

You're not stuck with being one or the other.

It's far more natural to have a fixed mindset than a growth mindset.  But switching to a growth mindset changes everything about your life!  To make the switch, all you have to do is get yourself to agree with this one statement: "I'm a long way from where I want to be, and that's okay."  There's two parts to that statement, and both are important.  "I'm a long way from where I want to be" is simply to say that you are NOT where you want to be now.  So don't keep playing the easy music, and don't keep bringing out the favorite past pieces to avoid the challenge of your current music.  "And that's okay" reminds you that it IS okay to struggle.  It is okay to have a long way to go.  Do you know what successful people do (in any field) when they reach their mountain top?  They find another higher mountain.  Think about it like this.  You're climbing the stairs of a 200-story skyscraper.  Each floor has a window with a view.  You can celebrate each floor, but at some point you have to resist thinking, "This is good enough.  I don't have to keep climbing those stairs."  Keep climbing.

Couple the growth mindset with intrinsic motivation (as I discussed in the previous post) and you WILL succeed in 2021.  It helps you focus on what matters, and that are your HABITS and your MENTAL DRIVE.  It's not about how many pieces you learn, or even what pieces they are.  The side effect is that by focusing on habits and mental drive, the results will be much better than they would be otherwise.

One last thing, and I promise you that you'll need this reminder at some point this year.

Growth mindset is forgiving.  You'll forget to practice, or feel bad about how things are going.  Remember the second part of the growth statement?  It's okay.  Breathe and regroup.  You will get frustrated, but remind yourself...it's okay.

If you want to read more about the growth mindset, I cannot recommend any book more than Mindset by Carol Dweck, which has an updated edition coming out on January 1.

Are you ready to do great work in 2021?

Understanding the Reality of Trade-offs

I had time between lessons yesterday to walk over to the nearby mall and do some quick browsing.  I happened to walk past a gourmet cookie bakery.  I went in with the intention of just getting a simple modest chocolate cookie, but instead I got a giant cookie with lemon icing, a $2 cookie!  This photo isn't the very same cookie, but it's pretty close.

The first bite was GREAT!  Soft, sweet, lemony.  I started eating it the moment I walked out of the cookie store as I headed towards the other end of the mall.  I continued to eat as I walked.  By the time I had passed 5 stores, let's say 200 feet at the most, the thrill was GONE!  I was left with a few tremors and a feeling of guilt for shoving that whole thing in my mouth.  It was a matter of time before I felt a total lack of energy after the sugar crash set in.  Worst of all, the pleasure of the taste (the WHOLE reason I got it in the first place) was over!  With this experience in my memory, I could approach a cookie like that right now, and ask myself one question before buying it.

Is the 2-minutes of joy this cookie brings worth the hour or more of misery that will follow?

Well, that's an easy answer when I phrase it like that.  But when I want the easy craving at the time, I forget to step back and just ask: What's the trade-off here?  And is it worth it?

Wait! Isn't this a PIANO blog?  What does eating a giant cookie have to do with piano?

Bear with me.  I'll get there eventually.

Every decision...not nearly every decision, but EVERY decision in life comes with at least one trade-off.

You keep using that word "trade-off".  What do you mean?

A trade-off is also known as the flip side.  You can't do everything at once.  Making a choice to do something denies you that chance to do something else.  Back in the early days of TV, before streaming, before internet, before DVR, before VCR or other video recording, if you had time at 8pm to sit down to watch a television show, you had to choose which one to watch with the knowledge that you were not watching the other choices (at first, only 2, but later more).  Here are some more examples.

• Staying at home means you can't go to the beach.  Going to the beach means you can't just stay home.
• In NC, going to the mountains means you don't go to the beach (at least at the same time), and vice versa.

But those aren't great examples, because you're not making a hard choice in any case.  What about when there's a harder choice?  You have to address the decision in a way that lets you know the flipside and the consequences if any.  For example:

• I love the taste of sodas, and sometimes I just CRAVE one.  I also happen to know that soda-drinking is one of the biggest triggers for causing me to get canker sores in my mouth.  I almost never get them when I stay away from soda.  So, would I rather have the few minutes of sweet taste, or avoid the not-certain-but-more-likely days of pain that will follow?
• I like eating out.  I also need to save money, and don't particularly like taking time to pack a lunch.  What do I want more, the convenience of eating out or saving some money for something more meaningful?
• This video I'm watching is really interesting, but it's getting very late, and I have to get up early in the morning.  Is the enjoyment of the video worth the price of not getting much sleep?

You see where this is going?  Any decision has at least one trade-off if you take time to think about it.

SO, what are the trade-offs related to your choices regarding practicing your music?

• If you watch a television episode instead of practicing, you're making the decision that the entertainment and escapism is more important than the opportunity to get better at your instrument.  Is that true?
• If you play a video game instead of practicing, you're making the same choice.  Is your goal to be really good at video games, or really good at piano?
• Time at the piano spent just playing old favorites is time that you could be spending working on your more challenging new music.  You're choosing comfort over challenge.  It's a common choice, but the trade-off of comfort is to not make progress.
• If your time is diluted with such a variety of extracurricular activities other than music (martial arts, sports, church, drama, etc), you are accepting that you will most likely be acquainted with many experiences, but be less likely to get really good at any of them.  I'm not attacking this lifestyle.  It's certainly possible that you are okay with this.  For many people, knowing a little of everything is more important than being selectively focused on a very few things.  But have you at least considered this trade-off and decided if it's what you really want?

In summary: You can't do everything you want or even need.  Giving your time to one thing means not giving it to something else.  Striving for comfort denies yourself the struggle that makes you better.  Sometimes, you may want to dial it down and enjoy that video game or TV show because the pleasure is worth missing the chance to improve at piano, at least for that one day every now and then.  Sometimes you need the satisfaction of affirming your favorite pieces you've already learned more than learning something new.  But I challenge you to at least BE aware of it.  You can do just about anything you want, as long as you recognize what it is you're giving up in exchange, and are convinced that you've made the best choice.